Push without being pushy
To be assertive (and effective) we are clear, objective, and direct. We don’t leave anything open to interpretation or chance. Here’s how you can push without coming off as pushy.
When asserting your position, include these three pieces of information:
Your perspective on the situation,
Your feelings in the situation, and
Your needs in the situation.
Examples:
“When I think about presenting at the board meeting, I get really nervous. I’ve been feeling sick in my stomach all morning. I’m just not ready. I would prefer you find someone else.”
“Lunch was a lot of fun. I think we have a lot in common, and I’d like to get to know you better. Do you want to go out Friday night?
“We spend a lot of time talking about your work, and I get bored and a little irritated when you come home and discuss office politics. I’d like to talk more about us and how we’re feeling about each other.”
These assertive statements stick to observations, what we’re feeling, and what we’re needing.
They don’t blame or use labels.
They don’t make the other person responsible for our emotions.
They’re powerful. They’re confident.
Here’s a formula you can always rely on.
When you________, I feel _________, because I need_____________would you please____________.
Memorize it. Say it in your head before speaking.
