Do you feel…or think?

In Nonviolent Communication, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg tells us that we often mistakenly use the word feel to express a thought, and this doesn’t help us get our needs met. 

• “I feel that you should understand me.”

• “I feel like this is a bad idea.”

• “I feel as if I’m trapped.”

• “I feel that I am always busy.”

• “I feel it is pointless.”

• “I feel like Jake is not pulling his weight.”

• “I feel like my CEO is lazy.”

These are all thoughts, not feelings (emotions). 

Emotions are the manifestation of thought in the body. That’s why they’re called feelings.

Feelings are described by words that express an emotional or physical state, words as happy, sad, content, angry, upset, etc. Here’s a list. 

When we use the word feel to describe a thought, it can cause confusion. The other person may not understand where we’re coming from, making it difficult for us to find common ground. 

Rosenberg suggests that building a rich vocabulary of words to describe our feelings can also help us both express ourselves and perhaps more importantly, understand what’s going on inside ourselves. 

Take, for example, the emotion of feeling confident. This could mean many things. Do you actually feel empowered, open, proud, safe, or secure? They’re not the same thing. 
If you can better articulate what’s going on inside you, you’ll more easily understand why.