Practicing new communication skills
She was trying out some new listening skills with her teenage son.
So when he spoke, she didn’t interrupt, tell him how to do something, or even give him the “mom look.”
Her son was so used to her habitual communication patterns that he stopped mid-sentence and said, “Why are you acting so weird, mom, what’s wrong?”
To change the way we communicate, we must practice, but trying out new things can be awkward, embarrassing, and sometimes overwhelming -- not just for us, but for the people in our lives as well!
Fortunately, there are up-front agreements to help us.
Our relationships can be placed into three categories: 1) people close to us, 2) people we interact with regularly, and 3) strangers.
3 groups for practicing new skills.
Trying out new strategies and techniques with the outermost group, strangers, is easy enough. They don’t know you and won’t know you’re acting weird. Go for it.
Don’t practice new techniques with the middle group, as they don’t know you well enough and could misinterpret your behavior. Wait until you’re more practiced with a new skill before using new techniques with them.
Practicing with the innermost group, friends and family, is the place you’ll improve most quickly. However, you will be more successful if you first let them know you’re trying out new communications strategies, so they aren’t weirded-out and can actually help you.
Try using these agreements before practicing with them:
Awareness Agreements can put people at ease. For example, “Just so you know, I’m working on improving my communications skills. If I sound strange, it’s just because I’m new to this.”
Practice Agreements can get people to help you a little. For example: I’m working on improving my communications skills. Will you let me know if I sound strange or make you feel uncomfortable?”
Accountability Agreements actively involve others in your learning process, and are most effective when centered around a specific skill you’re working on. For example: I’m working on improving my listening skills. Will you let me know when I’m not being a good listener?”
Which type of agreement, and who could you ask, to help you with your practice, right now?
