Don’t get so upset!

We know that no one likes to be judged, but do we know when we’re judging?

Our everyday language is so laden with evaluations, that we don’t even know when we are judging.

“That sucks.” 

“She’s awesome.”

“How could I be so stupid?”

All judgments.

Even saying “you’re late” is an evaluation / judgment. Is two seconds late? Is 10 minutes late? What if we are in Spain? What if you had a rough day and just need a few minutes to yourself? Would you care if someone were late to a meeting then?

“You’re late” is not an observable fact.

“You’re always late” feels like an accusation.

“You’re so inconsiderate to be late” is a judgment with a lot of uninformed assumptions behind it. 

A neutral “just the facts” observation would be: “The past three meetings, you arrived two minutes after the start time.” (Delivered without negativity in your voice or body language).

Observable facts, delivered neutrally, are less likely to put someone on the defensive because they’re less likely to make someone feel judged.