I just gave feedback to my boss…(Yikes!)

Not long ago, I left a meeting with my boss feeling frustrated.

I was thinking, “She always brings a flood of new ideas. How are we supposed to implement them all? She has such unrealistic expectations!” 

It’s too easy in these situations to say nothing, but feedback is a key component in correcting towards a goal, and the most effective among us can both give and receive feedback naturally, often, without making a big deal about it.

I used this four step process:

The first thing I did was check in with myself, particularly around my need for safety. I gave myself some empathy and defined my intention, which was to help this executive see things from her team’s perspective. 

Next, I confirmed her willingness to discuss & receive feedback.

Third, I used observation language rather than judgment language, speaking about her observable actions and its impact.

I finished with a clear request, tied to mutual purpose.

“Would you be willing to talk to me about today’s meeting and how it impacted the team?” 

“Ohhh-Kaay” [with a little defensiveness in her voice]. 

“When you brought in four new ideas for different directions we could go in, I felt frustrated because I don’t know how we could possibly do them all.” 

“Oh! Well, I have so many ideas and want the team to be inspired to think outside the box. I don’t mean to make them all a priority.” 

“When you present new ideas like these, would you be willing to clarify that you’re just sharing ideas for discussion vs. when you are presenting a new priority? This will help the team prioritize and not get stressed out by misunderstanding your intent.” 

Despite my fear going into this conversation, it only took five seconds of guts (and a process).

The conversation ended up improving both our working relationship and the team’s effectiveness.