Your lifelong companion

You only have one lifelong companion, you. Since your relationship with yourself shapes the way you communicate, let’s be intentional about the way we talk to ourselves.

Most people can’t just “turn off” judgment. Trying to eliminate judgmental thinking can even be counterproductive. The mind naturally evaluates, compares, and critiques—it’s how we make sense of the world.

It is, however, possible to evaluate your judgmental thoughts and gain some perspective on them, so they don’t drive us unintentionally.

You control your mind, not the other way around.

Here are some common automatic thoughts of the 4 communication styles and how to reframe them for a more constructive mindset:

• D Style (Dominance):

  • Automatic thoughts: "I need to win," "This is a challenge," "Let’s fix this now."

  • Direct, dominant communicators may view conflict as a competition and feel the urge to take control or push forward forcefully.

  • Productive reframe: Shifting focus from winning to achieving mutually beneficial outcomes.

• i Style (Influence):

  • Automatic thoughts: "They don’t like me," "I need to smooth this over," "Let’s keep things positive."

  • Influence-style communicators may avoid conflict or overcompensate to maintain recognition and relationships.

  • Productive reframe: Recognizing that conflict can strengthen relationships when handled constructively.

• S Style (Steadiness):

  • Automatic thoughts: "This feels uncomfortable," "I want to keep the peace," "I don’t want to upset anyone."

  • Steady-style communicators may internalize stress and avoid addressing the core issue directly, prioritizing harmony.

  • Productive reframe: Understanding that addressing conflict head-on can create long-term stability.

• C Style (Conscientiousness):

  • Automatic thoughts: "I need to be right," "This isn't logical," "They don’t understand the facts."

  • Conscientious communicators may focus on details and logic, potentially becoming critical or detached.

  • Productive reframe: Balancing logic with empathy and flexibility in problem-solving.

Next time you catch yourself in judgment, pause. Ask yourself:

• Is this useful?

• Is this true?

• How can I reframe this to be more productive?

When left unchecked, judgment—of yourself or others—can become a barrier, feeding negativity and limiting growth.

Yep, you’re stuck with you, so you might as well work on it like any other relationship.