Workplace enemies

If you have ever been given a label at work -- hard-working, lazy, incompetent, strategic, detail-oriented, etc. -- you know how confining it can be, even if it’s positive. People are not always one thing, all the time, and labels contribute to our feeling limited, constrained. 

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg used the phrase “enemy image” to describe the thought pattern humans use whenever we have a moralistic judgment, diagnosis, or analysis of someone else or yourself. 

She’s incompetent.

He’s a micromanager.

They’s a control freak.

I screwed up.

These statements limit the humanity of the person in question, and once we’ve assigned these labels, every time we interact with that person (or ourselves) we have a diminished idea of who they (or we) are.

For example, you may think that your co-worker is a “domineering jerk” but as long as you don’t call him that name out loud, or otherwise act on it, this enemy image label is harmless. 

But remember, your thoughts affect your speech patterns, breathing rhythm, body language -- all of which others pick up on.

Here’s an exercise that can help you identify and work with your enemy images. 

Think of one person at work you most readily label. For example, you may think of your boss as a micromanager. 

Now take a moment to write down what that person’s human needs are that may drive their “micromanagement” behavior. Are they trying to fulfill a need for self worth? For contribution?

Knowing their drivers may change your perception.     

As you explore what this person needs, examine how your own state of mind shifts. Are you able to see them more as a full human, rather than through this single enemy image?