Broken agreements

Your otherwise effective employee is consistently late to work. You have already spoken with him about the importance of being on time. He has even said he will, but doesn’t. 

What do you do when someone breaks an agreement?

Maybe you allow the behavior to continue because you’re uncomfortable with confrontation. But then, others will form an opinion about you as a “weak” or “ineffective” leader. 

Maybe you get upset and say something like: “If you can’t come on time, I’ll be looking for a new employee!” You could use your power over the employee with some version of “it’s my way or the highway,” but then you risk being labeled “harsh” or worse.

Before we say anything, let’s take a step back and analyze if our judgment is being clouded by an “enemy image” of this person, a judgment of some kind that puts him in a box, such as “he doesn’t care,” or “he’s inconsiderate,” etc. (These labels can get much worse, and I will discuss this concept more tomorrow). 

Perhaps this enemy image is the real source of your frustration. 

An alternative to being “weak” or “harsh” could be to first examine your enemy image assumptions, possibly opening the door to other ways to approach the broken agreement.

You can start by observing the verifiable facts, to try and figure out if you and the employee share the same reality:

“My understanding is that we agreed you would arrive at work at 9 AM each day, and I have observed you arrive 20 minutes after that time three days this week. Would you tell me what’s going on with you?”

By starting with inquiry, rather than finality, even after an agreement has been broken, shows that your intent is caring for the other person, separate from their actions. 

“I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“When you’re not here, I get frustrated because we are not as efficient in our work and risk missing deadlines. I would like your support and consideration around this issue. Would you be willing to spend some time right now looking at how we can create a system that will work for us both?”

Inquiry can turn into strategies that meet everyone’s needs using “power with,” rather than falling back on using your “power over,” which may produce resentment and “enemy images” of you as a leader.