What not to say if they’re angry
If someone is angry, they’re not being conscious, literally “out of their mind.” Their emotions have taken over and will likely hair-trigger react to any provocation, even if it’s just perceived.
Here are a few phrases sure to avoid if you don’t want to poke the bear:
You’re overreacting
You’re being too sensitive
I’m going to ignore you until you calm down
If you keep acting like this, there will be consequences
You’re being crazy
What do you want me to do about it?
You’re wrong
You’re acting like…
What’s wrong with you?
Look on the bright side
You need to calm down
These phrases are upsetting because they use the language of control. Some can even be considered gaslighting. They’re the tactics of unfair fighting. They blame, show fault, and judge.
Anger is a surface emotion, and believe it or not, it’s actually life-serving. There is always a deeper human need that anger is pointing to – grief, disappointment, sadness, a need to contribute, etc.
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg tells us that we only have four ways to respond to a negative message:
Blame others,
Blame ourselves
Sense our feelings and needs, or
Sense others’ feelings and needs.
It’s your choice because angry people usually can’t see theirs.
