To remember names

Few things say “you’re important to me” than remembering and using people’s names. Yet when someone introduces themself, we often forget their name! Here are three simple steps for remembering someone’s names.

Why is it so hard to remember names?

I used to just think that I was simply bad at remembering names. “I’m great with faces,” I would say.

According to the memory coach Jim Kwik, “We know memory is not fixed, like your shoe size, it’s something that you can grow.”

So I couldn’t blame it on bad memory.

You just need a process. Luckily, the Confident Communicator “Me > You > Us” process works great here.

Step 1: Get your head straight (Me)

What are your reasons for not making this a priority? Remind yourself why it’s important to remember names and commit to getting better at it.

Then find the practice that works for you.

You can focus on a feature. Let’s say you’re meeting Brian, who has big ears. You imagine the word Brian coming out of his ears.

You can just repeat the name over and over and rely on repetition.

You can keep a running list of people you meet on your phone and review it regularly.

You can use visual reminders. You meet Jane Baldwin, and you imagine Jane Goodall with no hair winning a tennis match.

There are many devices to use. Find yours. Practice it.

Step 2: Focus on the other person (You)

Most of the time meeting new people, we’re worried about what they think of us, is our hair right, what our friends are doing tonight, that new show on Netflix...sometimes there’s a whole conversation going on in our heads preventing us from really looking and listening to the person we’re shaking hands with. Listen with the intent of understanding.

Step 3: Make a real connection (Us)

Engage with the person. Take an interest. Ask them questions. Use their name in conversation. If there’s a human connection, you’re more likely to remember.

If you forget their name, get past your insecurities about looking foolish and ask them to remind you.

Just last week, in a group meeting, I asked someone to remind me of her name and another person in the meeting let out a “Oooooohhhhhh” as if I just said something offensive or mean.

I ignored that person.

Instead, I focused on the person I wanted to connect with. “I’m sorry. I know we’ve met before, but I have a lot on my mind these days. I asked because I want to make sure we have a good working relationship.”

I won’t forget again.