The under-conversation

In a training last week, one of the participants said that he felt it was important to keep emotion out of workplace communication.

I said that’s impossible.

This guy stared at me with skepticism and disagreement.

I explained how every conversation has the surface content we’re talking about, but the real conversation is the emotional undercurrent, the flow of emotion between us.

“Take our conversation right now,” I said.

“Everything I say is either making you feel more safe or less safe, more respected or less respected.”

Pay attention to the meaning below the words. The “under-conversation.” The real conversation.

If I can show curiosity to your emotions when we talk, we may not agree, but we’ll be more likely to respect each other.