The #1 reason people stay in negotiation

Having discussed the stages of negotiation, principled negotiation, separating the person from the problem, and understanding the person, let’s continue exploring communication tips for negotiation. Today, we’ll discuss the effective strategy of stating the problem in terms of mutual interests.

Shared interests are the #1 reason people stay in negotiation, maybe the only reason.

You can use this to your advantage if you keep in mind that behind all conflicting positions lie compatible interests.

If your negotiating partner states a position, or even a demand, you can counter by asking why, and uncover their interests behind it.

Here’s a hypothetical negotiation with a landlord:

“I require a $500 cleaning deposit.”

“OK, can you tell me why?”

“Well, that was what it cost me to clean up after the last tenant.”

Ah! Now you can counter with a proposed solution that would meet their needs as well as your own. 

Maybe you offer to add a no-pet clause to the lease, or ask to pay the deposit over 3 months, or request a partial refund after a 6-month inspection, or any number of other ways that focus on mutual objectives rather than the demand itself. 

Remember also that much of what motivates humans isn’t just money or even winning, but fulfilling the basic human needs of security, trust, contribution, or self-esteem. 

Maybe not giving in on the $500 is more about the landlord’s self-esteem than his bottom line. 

You won’t know until you take the time to explore the interest behind the position, the need behind the strategy to meet that need. 

Next week’s Daily Tips will continue this conversation about communications strategies for negotiations, including listing options, turning options into proposals, and strategies for when the going gets tough.

Adapted from Messages, The Communications Skills Book, by Dr. Matthew McKay.