That time I stopped two people who were yelling at each other

Recently, I was in a communication workshop, and two women (who clearly had history and didn’t like each other) started yelling at one another.

In a communications workshop!

They were standing, shouting across the room at each other, full of self-righteousness, vindication, and blame that the other person was the problem.

I let them go on for about 20 seconds and observed not only them but the rest of the room.

Everyone else had frozen, including the boss.

Yelling actually shuts down the prefrontal cortex, the thinking part of our brains as part of the freeze, fight, or flight response.

The boss didn’t do anything, so I had to.

AWKWARD!

Here’s what I did.

I said sternly, “Ladies…Look around you!”

This was a pattern interrupt.

I said, “No one around you is able to think, let alone learn. Take it outside.”

Faced with the perception of their peers, they sat down and folded their arms.

Let’s just say they didn’t participate much after that, and I had to work hard to get the group back on track, but I did follow up later with an offer to mediate a “conflict conversation” with the three of us.