So you’ve expressed yourself. Now what?
You’ve shared something about yourself in an effort to open doors with others. Maybe you made a request or shared an opinion. Maybe you made yourself vulnerable. Now what?
According to Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg the kind of honesty we’d like to receive usually takes one of three forms:
Sometimes we want to know the feelings stimulated by what we said.
Sometimes, we want to know what they other person is thinking, in response to what we said, and
Sometimes we want to know if the other person is willing to take certain actions based on what we said.
Whether it’s one of these things or a combination, it’s important to know for yourself what form of honesty you want to receive.
Then, the only way to get your needs met is to ask.
For example, you can say:
Can you tell me how you feel about what I just said?
Can you tell me what you think about what I just said? Or, more specifically, something like: Do you think that idea would work, and if not, why?
Would you be willing to…?
When we’re unclear about the kind of response we want after we’ve expressed ourselves, we may initiate unproductive conversations that end up satisfying no one’s needs.
