Separate the person from the work

Here’s another way to keep the other person from getting defensive, so you can both remain in dialogue.

Instead of saying, “Your presentation was confusing,” say something like, “The presentation could benefit from some clarity.”

This makes it about problem-solving, not pointing fingers.

Instead of saying “You sound stupid,” you could say, “it makes you sound stupid.” (Credit: Kim Scott)

Instead of “You’re always late,” you could say, “It would really help the team if the work could be completed by the deadline so we can stay on track.”

Instead of “You never contribute in team discussions,” try something like, “It would be great to hear your thoughts during discussions. Your input is valuable.”

Instead of “You were rude to the customer,” try “The customer seemed upset after the interaction. Let’s discuss how we can approach those situations differently next time.”

By focusing on facts and observations, rather than criticism or blame, you can help prevent people from getting defensive, so they remain open to hearing your message.