Just the facts

A trick question: Is saying “you’re late” a judgment or an observation?

Is two seconds late? Is 10 minutes late? What if we are in Spain? What if you had a rough day and just need a few minutes to yourself? Would you care if someone were late to a meeting then?

“You’re late” is an observation combined with a judgment.

“You’re always late” is an accusation.

“You’re so inconsiderate to be late” is a judgment with a lot of uninformed assumptions behind it. 

A neutral “just the facts” observation would be: “The past three meetings, you arrived two minutes after the start time.” 

A detective or reporter could verify these facts. 

(And they have less of a chance of upsetting the other person).

Observations are specific to time and context.

Observations, delivered neutrally, are less likely to put someone on the defensive because they’re less likely to make someone feel judged.