Think for yourself language

Much of the language we use denies our responsibility for our thoughts, emotions, and actions. 

“I have to cook dinner.”

“He made me so angry.”

“You’re making me feel guilty.”

During his war crimes trial, when asked why he committed all those horrific atrocities, Adolf Eichmann replied, “I had to,” or “superiors’ orders,” or “it was the law.” 

He said that he and the other Nazi officers had a word for the responsibility-denying language they used: Amtssprache, loosely translated as “bureaucratese” or “office talk.” 

“Company policy.”

“I drink because I’m an alcoholic.”

“I hit my child because he ran into the street.”

“I started smoking because all my friends did.”

“I was overcome by my urge to eat all the chocolate."

When we use such denial-of-responsibility language we reinforce the false notion that we aren’t responsible for our feelings, thoughts, or actions. 

This way of speaking, built into our language, obscures our awareness of our own autonomy, our human agency. It disconnects us from ourselves and life. 

Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication tells the story of a school teacher who told her students, “I have to give you grades because it’s district policy.”

He encouraged her to reframe her sentence as “...because I want to…”

She thought about it and said, “I can’t say ‘I have to give you grades because I want to keep my job’ as that makes me feel so responsible for what I’m doing.” 

His reply: “Yes.”