Say what you do want, not what you don’t

It’s well known among pilots that if you say, “Don’t hit the obstacle,” they’re more likely to hit the obstacle.

If you look for problems, you’ll find problems.

If you look for solutions, you’ll find solutions.

We see this over and over again in the world’s great spiritual literature. 1 Chronicles 28:9, Jeremiah 29:13, Deuteronomy 4:29-31, the Sufi Poet Rumi, Islam calls it niyyah. In Sanskrit it’s sankalpa and cetana. In Hebrew, kavanah.

This is because attention follows intention.

The reason why pilots are more likely to hit obstacles when they’re told, “Don’t hit the obstacle” is because of where they put their focus, their intent.

Frame your requests in the positive. Tell me what you do want, not what you don’t want, and I’ll be more likely to meet your needs.

If you’re going out for ice cream, and I say, “Don’t get me vanilla,” will you meet my needs?

Maybe. Maybe not.