Say this to yourself before you speak

I heard this beautiful, simple, effective tip from the comedian Whitney Cummings.

Comedians have a way of communicating a deep truth, in a way that makes us not only laugh but see life from new and different perspectives. In many ways, they are master psychologists and master communicators.

Ms. Cummings, like the rest of us, gets frustrated when the people in her life don’t agree, go along, or see things her way.

Growing up in the home of alcoholics, she learned to survive by exerting control where she could -- her opinions and judgments -- so she (like most of us) communicated by saying things like:

“I don’t like the way you’re doing / saying that...”

“Is he wearing flip-flops to work?”

"What a P.I.T.A. you are."

We all do this.

She says that when we judge others, “It’s just a way to not look at ourselves, to feel superior, or sanctimonious, or whatever.”

To pre-empt these judgments -- and your own frustration about the people in your life -- she simply says “I love you” in her own head before she has a conversation with them.

I’ve tried this and can tell you, the conversations always go a lot better. 100% of the time.

Here’s a challenge. Do this for the rest of the weekend. Do it when you’re waiting in line at the store, on a Zoom call, or when your daughter hasn’t cleaned up her room. Let me know how it goes.