You don’t always need to reach a consensus

While people use the words “validation” and “affirmation” interchangeably, they have different meanings and uses as communications tools.

With an affirmative statement, you confirm something as fact or at least your support for it.

“Yes, we should spend more time together. I’d like that.”

“Sure, I can get that to you by Friday.”

Affirmative statements are usually positive, where one person agrees with the other.

Validation, on the other hand, does not mean you agree with the other person.

Instead, it means that you have heard someone, and acknowledge and accept their feelings and needs, their “lived experience,” in today’s language.

Dr. Marisa Cohen, says “...validation involves the expression of understanding, legitimacy, and acceptance…[it] does not attempt to alter a person’s experience, but rather accepts it as it is.”

“I understand that you want us to spend more time together, but I am feeling a lot of pressure from work right now.”

“I get that you need the report by Friday, but I have other priorities right now. How about Monday?”

Not all discussions can, or should, reach consensus, or even mutual agreement, however, both parties should be able to openly and honestly express their views. Validation allows for this.