Reading body language in virtual meetings

No doubt that communicating through videoconferencing technology like Zoom, Google Hangouts, FaceTime, GoToMeeting, etc. is more difficult than in person. Connecting with others through a device is hard, but fortunately, the face is the most expressive part of the body, and there is a wealth of non-verbal information to be gleaned by watching people closely through our screens.

We also can project confidence, aptitude, connection, and other positive traits through our body language “above the neck,” even while on our devices.

Without ever having been taught, most of us can already quickly recognize when someone's face expresses surprise, interest, doubt, boredom, disappointment, exhaustion, contentment, anxiety, disbelief, concern, frustration, and so on.

Just observe children closely.

We also know that to a degree, we can control our facial expressions and, thus, put on a false front. (For example, how many of our parents told us not to make a face at food we didn’t like while a guest at someone’s house?)

We are adept at lying with our faces...but not totally.

For example, if you pay attention, you can instinctively tell when someone’s brain is processing some negative emotional issue. Maybe you see their jaw tightening, or their nose flaring (to get more air), or neck stiffening (no head tilt), or eyes squinting, or maybe, you watch their lips slowly disappear.

There is real value in watching faces closely. I coach people who work virtually to, as often as possible, “hop on quick Zoom call.” Even if there’s no immediate need, it’s another chance to understand someone and further your human connection with them.

What to look for

It’s easy to miss facial cues because we have been taught not to stare, and because we often concentrate more on someone’s words, rather than what their body reveals.

When on group video calls, you should continually scan the faces in those little boxes, especially when people start and stop talking, or when they’re not talking. With practice, you’ll see the outlines of what they're thinking.

Facial cues may be fleeting and difficult to pick up, so be ever vigilant. “Microgestures” may not seem to be of much significance, but even minor displays of tension may reflect emotional conflict.

Positive emotions are there as well, revealed by loosening of the forehead furrow, relaxation of the mouth, exposure of the full lips (not compressed or tight lipped), and widening of the eyes as surrounding muscles relax. When we are truly relaxed and comfortable, facial muscles relax and the head tilts, exposing our most vulnerable area, the neck.

Exercise

Have fun while you learn with this experiment. For the rest of the day, try using different facial expressions than you normally would. Observe the reactions your body has to other people’s reaction.

Try smiling and looking directly at people whom you normally would not give the time of day. Stare vacantly into space as you talk to a good friend. Tell an amusing story with a straight face, then tell the same story again with animated facial expressions. Deliver a very serIous message with a broad smile, then again with a serious facial expression.

In each case, note both the reaction from the other person and how you feel about it. What differences do you notice between being congruent (alignment with your words and body language) and not congruent?

Adapted from What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People, by Joe Navarro.