How to say you’re offended

This week, the Daily Tip has discussed why people take offense, what not to say and what to say when you inadvertently offend someone. Today, let’s talk about what to say when you’re the one who is offended.

First, I’d like to remind readers that the purpose of the Daily Tip is to help us become more confident communicators, so we can remain in dialogue and get our needs met.

If someone says something you find offensive, even highly offensive, and you storm off in an indignant huff, blaming them for your emotions, or saying “they should know better,” your ego may feel justified, but you’re likely not going to get your own needs met.

This is not to justify insensitive behavior or to suggest that people don’t need to educate themselves -- they do. My point is that as a confident communicator, there’s a way for you to handle the situation so you can make the world more to your liking.

So, how can you tell someone you’re offended in a way that keeps you both in dialogue and so can get your need for respect met?

You can simply ask them to have a conversation.

You can let them know how you felt and that you want to talk about it, with something like:

“You said something the other day that I’d like to talk to you about. Are you up for that?”

“You said something earlier that I found offensive. I’m going to assume you didn’t mean to hurt me and would like to talk about it.”

Just remember that humans are very sensitive to emotion, so if you show anger, it will likely be met with a strong emotion on their part.

Nine times out of 10, the hardest part of difficult conversations is just getting started.

This strategy, of course, assumes that the other person didn’t mean to offend you, that they were ignorant, uninformed, or obtuse.

Tomorrow, the Daily Tip will discuss what to do when they’re being a jerk or worse and they intended to offend you.