What to say to the backseat drivers in your life

We all have backseat drivers in our lives. Sometimes they’re in the car with us, sometimes they’re our boss trying to micromanage us at work. What can you say without putting them off or coming off as a jerk?

You’re in the car with a friend, and she's “giving you advice” about which roads to take, how to park, how fast to go, and on and on and on.

It’s really annoying. 

Ask yourself why, what needs are under the emotions. Maybe you need autonomy. 

After you check in with your inner state, what you feel and what you need, you’ll know what to ask for in a way that’s well-received. 

“You know, when you give me directions in the car and you tell me how fast to drive, and how to park, I get really annoyed. I'd like more freedom in choice about how I drive, so would you be okay with just holding back your comments and not telling me how to drive unless I ask for them?”

This is masterful. You’ve done several things, and not done several others.

You haven’t triggered her with judgments, accusations, or blame because you’ve stuck to the observable facts. 

You expressed your emotion honestly without putting your feelings on her (“you make me so...”).

You clarified your need for freedom, choice, and/or respect.

You made a clear, doable request. 

And you clarified the conditions under which her directions are welcome. 

Well done. 

Have a good weekend.