How to say you need a break

These days, it’s easy to become overwhelmed, yet many of us are afraid to ask for space when we need it. We fear what others may think, at work and at home. Here’s some language to use if this is you.

Let’s say you just came out of a difficult meeting, or heard some bad news, or have a to-do list the size of a T-Rex. Your teenage daughter comes barreling into the house, excited and animated. She wants to share with you news about her day.

Here’s a formula you can use to express your needs while also communicating that you value hers as well. 

“Honey, I can tell that you're really excited about telling me how your day went and I'd like to hear about it, and at the same time, right now, I could really like some quiet time to rejuvenate from a hard day. How would you feel about giving me 10 or 15 minutes alone and then we can talk about everything that happened for you today?”

This works because you start with a non-judgmental observation of her needs or at least a guess.

Then you express your own needs with the word “and” rather than “but.” This holds both your needs as valid.

And finally, you end with a time-specific, doable request, in an attempt to meet both your needs.

Use this formula anytime you want to say, “yes, and.”