How to make contact with strangers
Yesterday’s Daily Tip discussed all the great things about speaking with strangers. Today, we’ll talk about making contact.
2 simple rules
According to McKay, Davis & Fanning, in Messages, The Communications Skills Book, there really are only two rules for making contact with strangers:
Give out what you would like to receive, and
Focus outward, rather than inward.
Easier said than done. We all have fear of strangers, even the most outgoing of us, which affects our self-consciousness, keeping our attention riveted on our appearance, behavior, and being liked.
This is natural, coming from our evolutionary need to ensure our survival by being part of a group.
Body language
Shy people avoid eye contact, which can be interpreted in any number of ways. If you communicate with a blank face, or negative expression, or by retreating from others, the message you send is “Stay away!”
If your body language communicates welcoming messages, the other person will be more likely to respond positively. Here’s how:
Subtly move towards the other person, but not too close as to invade their personal space. Be at a distance at which you can comfortably hear each other and talk without straining. In a virtual setting?
Lean forward, indicating engagement and interest. Leaning away or backwards says the opposite.
Uncross your arms and legs, which are protective barriers, making you seem defensive. Instead, open yourself to the other person with a small show of willingness to listen.
Maintain eye contact, without staring. For many, it’s difficult to look someone in the eye and think of what to say, or may provoke anxiety. If this is you, look at their nose or forehead. They won’t be able to tell.
Let your responses show. Express yourself with nods, frowns, raised eyebrows, etc.
Smile. It’s the most universally understood way to communicate that you’re open and interested.
Some people will add to this list touching, as it’s one of the most powerful ways to communicate trust, such as with a handshake, comforting hand on an arm, or a shoulder pat. Unfortunately, touching can be easily interpreted as a violation, and I don’t recommend it.
In a virtual setting?
You can still do much of the above on Zoom, FaceTime, GoToMeetings, or your platform du jour. Just lean in, look at the camera when talking, and smile, smile, smile!
