4 questions to break the ice
The only way to begin a conversation is to start talking, and it’s OK to presume that other people want to engage socially. Human connection is a basic need. Whether it’s a passing interaction, or a lifelong friendship, there is an excitement unique to when two people express an interest in each other.
Even strangers are feeling and needing the same things you are, and an icebreaker can communicate that.
What you say isn’t as important as the fact that it’s formulated to create a response. The easiest way to do this is to focus on the present moment, the situation you’re sharing with that person.
Breathe. Get grounded. What are you feeling? If you wait quietly, listening to yourself, you will discover an awareness you can share.
What’s unusual or interesting to you in the present moment? What can you deduce about them from their appearance or behavior? What about the environment you’re sharing at the moment? How would you describe all this to a friend?
Initiate contact with any version of these 4 questions:
Ask for information: “Can you tell me where Jackson Street is?”
Give a compliment: “Your ring is beautiful. Is it a family piece?”
Employ humor: “You could get old waiting for a table in this restaurant.”
Observe the environment: “I see you’re reading The Bluest Eye. Have you also read Song of Solomon?”
Avoid “ritual questions” such as “What’s your name,” or “How are you?” as they require more effort on your part, because after the quick “yes” or “no” response, the ball is back in your court as to what to say.
More engaging questions lead to a conversation where you’re present, together, connecting over a shared moment.
Note how the last example above wasn’t framed as: “I see you’re reading The Bluest Eye. I love Tony Morrison.” The other person could easily just nod their head, smile politely, and just bury their head back in their book.
Look for both similarities and differences, as either could provide opportunities for self-disclosure:
“Oh, we both have band-aids on. Did you cut your finger slicing lemons too?”
“I could never have the courage to come here alone. You’re brave!”
After the icebreaker, if there’s a connection, all you’ll have to do is keep asking questions, listen attentively, and continue disclosing things about yourself.
