Expressing appreciation

In yesterday’s tip, I shared that compliments, even when positive, can still be judgments, which may not be received the way we intend. 

Sometimes, complements are intended to manipulate the behavior of others. Giving compliments can sometimes be accompanied by feelings of superiority or false humility. 

Instead, we can use a three part formula that celebrates the other person with meaningful praise. 

The formula is easy. Just say what they did, how you felt, and what needs of yours were fulfilled. 

“Thank you for _____. I felt that ______ because it really helped me _______.”

For example:

“I appreciate the details of your report, especially the timeline section. I am now more confident that we can deliver the project on time for the client.”

“In your presentation, the way you explained the org chart on slide four, really put me at ease. It helped me understand how our team fits into your vision.”

“Thank you for introducing me to Mary. By answering my pricing questions, she helped me finish the marketing plan. I’m so energized now!” (Note that the order of the three elements doesn’t matter.)

If people suspect manipulation behind the appreciation, team productivity can drop and resentment can find its way into working relationships.  When we use this method of expressing appreciation, there is no element of wanting something from the other person, just to celebrate what they did and how it helped you. 

When people hear all three elements in a “thank you” (what they did, how you felt, and what needs were fulfilled), then they can celebrate with you.