The intention behind the praise
“Great job on that report.”
“You’re a very good public speaker.”
“It was soooo generous of you introduce me to Mary.”
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication calls such statements of praise “life-alienating.”
Is it a surprise to hear that compliments can sometimes separate us?
Rosenberg gives a few reasons for this, as well as a way to express appreciation that can connect us to people we appreciate on a more meaningful level.
Appreciation means “to recognize the full worth of” but statements like the above do little to reveal what is going on for the speaker. Just how did the other person’s actions make us feel or improve our lives? We often leave it up to the listener to guess.
Worse, such statements can be spoken with the intent of getting something out of the other person.
Expressing appreciation has three components:
The other person’s actions have contributed to our well being
Specific needs of ours have been fulfilled
Good feelings have arisen in us as a result of those needs being fulfilled.
Tomorrow, I’ll discuss ways to use these three components to express appreciation and give meaningful praise.
