Complainers are victims

I’ll bet you have a constant complainer in your life. Someone who is an energy drain to be around. They focus on what’s wrong, who’s at fault, the problem…

Complaining can be a way to get attention, become the center of attention, or feel more important.

Assigning blame takes away one’s responsibility to look critically at oneself and to act.

This is the mindset of a victim, someone who has no control over their situation. 

Complaining actually affects the complainer’s brains and the brains of those around them (meaning, you and me).

If a chronic complainer is getting you down, here are some things you can say:

Set a boundary: “I recognize how you feel, but your constant complaining is upsetting me / others. We all complain, but most people do it in moderation or to achieve change.”

Ask them to adjust their perspective: “Can you limit your complaints to the purpose of fixing and solving issues, rather than just winning sympathy?”

Suggest they cultivate an attitude of gratitude: “You know, when I feel like complaining, I flip my mindset to gratitude. It immediately gives me more energy and reduces my anxiety. You want to work on some alternative responses?”

Ekhart Tolle says, “When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”