Break the small talk script

How can we get past ”How are you?” that seemingly inane question we seem to ask without really wanting an answer.

We can get real and connect with others by breaking the small talk script.

We break scripts with specificity or surprise.

The next time someone asks you how you are, instead of just answering with your standard “fine,” or “good,” or even “fantastic,” say something that will engage them.

Barista: “Hi, How are you today?”

You: “I’d say I’m a 7.5 out of 10. Had a rough start, but I’m about to have my coffee. How about you?”

Then, just smile and wait.

You just broke the script, but in a way that signaled that you’re safe to engage with.

By asking them how they were, you used the technique of mirroring, where people often naturally just follow the lead of their conversation partners. 

After they answer, you can keep engaging with another question about them. If they say, “I’m a 6,” just ask “what would it take to get you to an 8?”

Now, you’ve got them thinking, “Oh, you’re a human.” After that, most people will naturally open up.

Unless they haven’t had their coffee yet.