Assume positive intent...with this jerk?
Indra Nooyi, former CEO of PepsiCo, one of the largest organizations in the world, has relayed some often-heard advice…
“Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You’ll be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different.”
Good advice, but sometimes tough to do, especially when you’re under stress, uncertain about the situation, or know the other person opposes you.
Why is that?
One reason is the way we communicate with ourselves.
We are so used to evaluating situations and people -- assigning meaning and telling ourselves stories -- that we don’t even know we’re doing it.
Instead of saying, “She hasn’t scored a goal in 20 games,” we say “She is a lousy soccer player.”
Rather than saying, “He pounded his fist on the table,” we say, “He got angry for no reason.”
“He raised his voice this morning, when we started disagreeing,” becomes “He is aggressive.”
It’s hardwired in us to make sense of the world this way, but the best communicators can separate out evaluations (judgments) from observable facts.
Fortunately, we have the capacity to change our thought patterns to allow for this kind of thinking. We have mind-control!
The next time you feel your body reacting to another person -- maybe your head gets hot, or there’s a pit in your stomach, or a chill in your spine -- that’s your signal to pause and think about what are the observable facts vs. the story you’re creating from those facts.
As Psychologist Nathaniel Branden has said, “The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”
Here’s an exercise we give students in our workshops, to explore this more:
After a tough conversation, journal about it, asking two questions:
What were the observable facts that a news reporter, police officer, or private detective would record in a notebook?
What were the interpretations, evaluations, or judgments I told myself, the stories I gave to those facts?
