18 times when it’s ok to be assertive

Assertiveness is an acquired skill, not a personality trait, and learning to be respectfully assertive means learning to chose when and where to assert yourself. Here are 18 common scenarios where we have been taught as children to be passive in order to get along with others, but where we have legitimate rights to be assertive.

How many of them have you seen play out in your workplace?

Mistaken “traditional” assumptions	Legitimate rights
It’s selfish to put your needs before other's needs.	You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.
It’s shameful to make mistakes.	You have a right to make mistakes.
If you can't convince others that your feelings are reasonable, then your feelings must be wrong.	You have a right to be the final judge of your feelings and accept them as legitimate.
Keep your differences of opinion to yourself.	You have a right to have your own opinions and convictions.
You should always be logical and consistent.	You have a right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action.
Others have good reasons for their actions and it's not polite to question them.	You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.
Don’t interrupt. Asking questions reveals stupidity.	You have a right to interrupt in order to ask for clarification.
Things could get worse, so don't rock the boat.	You have a right to negotiate for change.
You should not take up others’ valuable time with your problems.	You have a right to ask for help and   support
People don't want to hear that you feel bad, so keep it to yourself	You have a right to feel and express pain.
When someone takes the time to give you advice, you should take it very seriously.	You have a right to ignore the advice of others.
People don't like show-offs. Knowing you did something well is its own reward.	You have a right to receive recognition for your work and achievements.
If you don’t accommodate others, they won’t be there when you need them.	You have a right to say no.
Don't be anti-social.	You have a right to be alone.
You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do.	You have a right not to have to justify yourself to anyone.
When someone is in trouble, you should always help them.	You have a right to not take responsibility for someone else's problem.
You should be sensitive to the needs and wishes of others,  even when they are unable to tell you what they want.	You have a right not to have to anticipate others’ needs and wishes.
It is not nice to put people off.	You have a right to choose not to respond in a situation.

Adapted from Messages, The Communications Skills Workbook, Dr. Matthew McKay et. al.