11 tips for difficult conversations

Rather than put off your next tough conversation, collecting grievances, building resentment, try these tips, from Dan Mager, author of Some Assembly Required.

Your Body Language & Tone

1. Stay at eye level, to help reduce power imbalances.
2. Speak in a calm tone, so the other person may hear your content.
3. Avoid finger-pointing, so as not to lecture or putdown.
4. Avoid yelling, cursing, name-calling, put-downs, or threats.

Your Content

5. Be clear about your concerns and what you would like to change.
6. Don’t interrupt. If you’re thinking about your response, you’re not listening.
7. Remain open to problem-solving, rather than being right.
8. Stick to the topic at hand, as bringing up past hurts will interfere with your ability to stay in dialogue.
9. Allow for time-outs rather than walking away without the other person’s agreement.

Your Internal Dialogue

10. Take responsibility for your feelings using I-messages rather than “you” statements.
11. Drop your assumptions, since people grow and change. You never know what they’re thinking, feeling, or needing.

I agree with these tips because they remind us that it’s not just what we say, but how we say it, that keeps others (and ourselves) in dialogue.