When they play dirty

These past two weeks we have been discussing communication strategies for negotiating. Today, we’ll discuss one way to handle deception, psychological warfare, bribery, blackmail, and other dirty tactics.

Let’s say your negotiating partner is more of an opponent. He welcomes you into a large conference room and seats you in a low chair with the sun in your eyes.

What can you do? 

You can “call process.”

Calling process 

Calling process is when you stop talking about the subject and discuss the process that’s going on. 

“Before we get into the discussion of rate hikes, I’d like to point out that this chair is too low and the sun is in my eyes. Surely we’re not going to play one-upmanship games in a serious negotiation like this?”

Expose a dirty trick for what it is, then negotiate for a procedural change, according to the rules of principled negotiation. 

Here’s some language you can use.

“I understand the temptation to take every possible advantage, and I don’t take it personally, but everyone’s interests will be better served if we approach the problem as honest people who are open to fair collaboration.”

“We are all here to find options that will serve our shared interests. Let’s look for options that benefit everyone.”

“If we’re agreed that we should continue in a fair manner, then let’s find me another chair and get on with it.” 

The key is to use objective, non-judgmental language to describe the facts of the situation. 

If calling process doesn’t work, it may be time to bring in a neutral negotiator. 

And remember, sometimes a conflict can’t be negotiated, such as when your opponent wants conflict more than they want resolution. (Eg: Management wants to prolong negotiations until after the union strike is over. Student demonstrators want publicity more than reform). Until you uncover hidden agendas, negotiation is impossible.  

Adapted from Messages, The Communications Skills Book, by Dr. Matthew McKay.