Vague pronouns frustrate

This week, the Daily Tip is exploring ways to stop talking past each other. Yesterday, we discussed deletion. Today, we will look at a major cause of confusion and misinterpretation, vague pronouns.

A pronoun is a word that substitutes for a noun or noun phrase (a person, place, or thing). In our everyday speech, a pronoun refers either to the participants in the conversation (you, me, I, us, etc.) or to someone or something mentioned in the conversation (she, it, they, them, this, that, etc.).

We know what our pronouns refer to, but because we all have different mental models, we shouldn’t assume the other person does.

Vague pronouns such as “It’s unbelievable” or “It’s unfair” cause confusion and misinterpretation because it burdens the listener with the responsibility of seeking clarification.

As with deletions, we can clarify by asking the other person or ourselves what our pronouns refer to.

Exercise

If you were the listener to these sentences, how would you ask the speaker to clarify? If you were the speaker, how could you say it more clearly?

Vague pronouns	Clarifying question
They’re not listening to me.
It was so over the top.
That looks wrong to me.
This is too easy.
We can’t go on this way.
They say meat is unhealthy.
That’s a hard way to find happiness.

Tomorrow, the Daily Tip will discuss vague verbs.

Adapted from Messages, The Communications Skills Book, by Dr. Matthew McKay.