Translate “have to” into “chose to”

Let’s develop the skill of replacing language that implies a lack of choice with language that acknowledges our power. Along the way, we will analyze the needs that drive our emotions.

Step 1 - List your “have to ’s”

Here is a worksheet with two columns. In the first column, make a list of all the things in your life you tell yourself you “have” to do, all activities you dread because you perceive that you have no choice.

I wrote:

• I have to put up with my micromanaging boss.

• I have to take my daughter to school every morning.

Step 2 - Restate them as “chose to”

After completing your list, fill out the second column, and truthfully acknowledge to yourself that you are doing these things because you chose to fulfill a need. Use a list of feelings and needs, if needed.

I re-wrote these statements as:

• I chose to put up with my micromanaging boss because I have a need for income and emotional safety. I believe that confronting her would put both of these at risk.

• I chose to take my daughter to school because I need to contribute to her well-being.

Step 3 - Self-reflection

When I realized these things, my entire energy about both of these issues changed. I was more conscious of my needs driving my emotions.

If we speak out of a desire to contribute to life, rather than out of fear, guilt, obligation, or shame, we can widen the possibility of finding fulfillment, while shrinking the opportunity for depression.

What, if anything, has changed about the way you view your “have to’s”?