The eyes are windows
Continuing our discussion of reading non-verbal communication during virtual meetings, let’s look at people looking.
The eyes are windows into someone’s thoughts. They help us understand someone’s emotions or reactions, in part, because evolution has modified our muscles to protect the eyes from hazards, and therefore we have even less control over our eyes than other areas of the face. Pay attention to the eyes and you’ll learn a lot about what people are thinking.
People block from the eyes things they don’t want to let in, things they find objectionable, as if they are censoring incoming data.
We squint when angry, or when hearing voices, sounds, or music we don’t like. Squinting can be very brief, even ⅛ of a second, but reflects negative thoughts or emotions in real-time.
As mentioned last week, we put our hands over our eyes (“eye blocking”) to protect the brain from “seeing” undesirable things, but even a brief touch of the eyes may reveal a clue to a person’s negative perception of what is being discussed.
According to FBI interrogator Joe Navarro, “... blocking behaviors are indicative of concern, dislike, disagreement, or the perception of a potential threat...This type of blocking behavior is very ancient in origin and hardwired in our brains; babies innately eye block within the womb when confronted with loud sounds...Even more amazing is the fact that children who are born blind will cover their eyes when they hear bad news.”
Remember to look for upward or downward behaviors. Lowering the eyebrows can indicate low confidence or negative feelings, weakness, or insecurity. Raised, arched eyebrows may signify high confidence or positive feelings.
When someone is not emotionally attached to something being said, there will usually be no eye emphasis.
Our blink rate increases when we are aroused, troubled, nervous, or concerned, and it returns to normal when we are relaxed. This is why people sometimes flutter their eyes when hearing something incredulous, a sign of cognitive struggle.
Looking askance or rolling of the eyes (quickly or exaggeratedly) often communicates “I am listening to you, but I am not buying what you’re saying—at least not yet.”
Remember not to assume you know what a gesture means. For example, if someone gazes away, or down, during a conversation -- an action often mistaken as rudeness or as personal rejection -- they may just be trying to engage a thought more clearly without the distraction of looking at you. Such a gesture may actually be a display of comfort with you.
Remember not to assume what a gesture means. Looking down could mean the person is hiding from low confidence, or that they’re just thinking. Gather information and create context.
Another example is that when speaking with close friends, people are usually comfortable enough to look in the distance (to their future, or horizon) as they speak.
Don’t forget our skills of paying attention to what doesn’t “feel right” to you, establishing a baseline, observing changes, and looking for signals of freeze, flight, and fight, as well as self-soothing.
Tomorrow, we’ll learn more about what the mouth says without words.
