The confident communicator formula
Here it is. I’ll give it away.
In our workshops, I hear every kind of personal and professional communications challenge:
I want to reduce repetition when I feel strongly about something.
I want to really listen and not just be waiting to speak.
I want the ability to understand the context for someone making a request, and the reasons underlying why they are making it.
My feelings sometimes get in the way of listening fully.
I can’t think of a response quickly enough.
I need help deciding if/when it is appropriate to spark a “crucial conversation.”
After some time in the workshops, people realize a few things:
All these obstacles are internal to themselves.
No matter the obstacle, you can overcome it with practice.
While these issues are individual to you, they are also universal (everyone deals with the same basic challenges, in their own way).
The formula we teach is similarly individualized, yet universal.
I’m not saying it’s easy, but it is a formula.
The easiest way to explain it is:
Confident Communication = Psychology + Mindfulness + Practice.
Psychology is the study of the mental process, and it gives great confidence to know what’s really happening in an interaction that’s blocking or allowing the flow of meaning between two people.
At the same time, we have to stay grounded in what’s happening inside us, as it happens. When your emotions take over, you become reactive -- and yell, pout, sulk, reveal, shut down, or attack. When we’re not in control of ourselves, we’re not able to communicate the way we want.
Finally, you can’t really learn this from a book, video, or even a coach. You have to practice it just like any other skill, until it’s yours, ready to be used when you need it. You need a safe environment to get comfortable saying the hard things in new ways.
