Setting boundaries with deceptive power-players
“You keep explaining things to me in front of the team! Things that I previously told you about!”
“I don't recall doing that.”
Ugh. It’s not quite gaslighting, but it is bad behavior. Some people are more interested in power and looking good than contributing. Here’s how you can, in private, handle this situation yourself.
“I've noticed you keep explaining things to me in front of others that I’ve already explained to you. I'm curious what’s the reason for that?
“I don't recall doing that.”
“It happened in the meeting this morning when you explained X and Y to me and last week when you explained A and B. In both cases, these were things I had previously told you about. When this happens, I'm making up a story that you're doing this to make it look like I don't know what I'm doing in front of the team, and I'm really hoping this story isn't correct, as that wouldn't be good for the team or the company.”
Silence.
“If this happens again, I will say something in the meeting.”
If using your own power with a clear boundary doesn’t change their behavior, then is it time to escalate the issue to your boss or theirs.
When you try to resolve an interpersonal conflict yourself, you’re not making your problem your boss’s problem.
You have far more personal power than you may realize. It’s just a matter of how skillfully you yield it.
