Responding to “I don’t waaant to!”

My 17-year-old, wonderfully head-strong, independent, always-pushing-the-boundaries daughter went to prom and stayed out late.

She texted me in the morning saying she didn't want to go to lacrosse practice.

I was not happy with her choices at that moment.

I may even have typed something in all caps that used guilt and my “power over” her as her father to try and force her into going.

But I paused and realized that laying into her would not have gotten the response I wanted.

I thought about what I was feeling and needing, what she was probably feeling and needing, and also what I wanted, not just for me, but for her…and for our relationship.

And I found a way to respond, not by pushing her, but by leading her to the right decision, by showing her what’s in it for her.

This isn’t guilt, or coercion, or force.

Not only did my choice of words get the right result without upsetting her, but they got her to see the value in doing something she didn’t want to do.

She later told me her coach was proud of her and appreciative.