Prevent triangulation

Triangulation is a common passive-aggressive communication technique people use to avoid conflict. Whether it’s intentional or unintentional, it’s a team and relationship destroyer.

Let’s say I have an issue with you. Instead of telling you, I tell somebody else. I’m able to communicate the issue in a way that allows me to vent but doesn’t solve anything.

When employees are complaining to you about other employees, stop it in its tracks.

In Radical Candor, Kim Scott says that it may feel like you’re being empathetic by listening, but really you’re just stirring the political pot. She advises you insist they talk it out among themselves.

For example, you can stop them respectfully by saying, “Whoa. You seem upset. Have you shared this with him/her?” Or, “If the situation were reversed, would you want him/her to tell me about it or go directly to you?”

If they can’t work it out among themselves, you can offer to be present in an in-person three-way conversation. Help them find a solution they can both be happy with.