How to refocus a heated discussion

I recently had the pleasure of meeting Judy Robinett, author of How to Be a Power Connector and Crack the Funding Code. She’s an in-demand public speaker and has appeared on over 300 podcasts. She gave me a great two-for tip.

We were of course talking about communication skills, and she told me that when she was the CEO of a small public company, her CFO taught her a great trick…

When in a potentially heated discussion, just turn your head slightly, smile a little, and say, “Help me understand instead of what the F... are you thinking?!”

Judy says, “I hardly ever swear, but found this to be a powerful trigger to pause and stop escalating.”

Love it, I said. It’s funny and it helps you both re-focus on the relationship.

Then she added something even more useful.

“When your standard responses become muscle memory, outstanding results follow,” she said.

Good advice, even if you don’t swear.

Have a few stock responses at the ready for different situations. Practice them.

Use them often enough that they get your desired response and keep you grounded.