Help them ask

Confident communicators make it easy for other people to ask for what they need. Here’s a way to make sure you have a shared understanding about what exactly someone else is asking of you.

You step into your boss’s office to ask a question. While you’re there, you fill her in on a project’s process.

She says: “That’s great. Keep me in the loop, will you?”

What exactly does she want? Every single detail? To know if something becomes a problem? By email? In-person?

It’s not clear how you can fulfill her needs from this request.

Maybe she needs to feel included and be aware of potential problems.

To help her articulate her needs, you can say something like: “I’d like to understand better how you’d like me to keep you in the loop. Can you be more specific?”

“Sure,” she says. “Let me know if you need my help on anything, and let me know when you completed each major stage of the project.”

“Great. Do you want me to set up meetings to give you that information in person?”

“No. Just put it in an email...but don’t give me every last detail. Just the highlights.”

“Anything else?”

“Yea, now that you ask, if you run into a problem, tell me as soon as you discover it. I can’t help you fix it if I don’t know about it.”

Most requests contain a lot of assumptions, including that you know what the other person wants or needs.

Clarifying assumption-filled requests helps you connect with the other person on the level of needs, and reduce confusion about how to fill them.