Hearing does not mean answering

My wife’s friend is going through a divorce, health issues, parenting issues, and the death of a parent. She came over looking for my wife, who wasn’t around. I offered her some coffee, and she unloaded.

TBH, I didn’t know what to say. I was uncomfortable and didn’t really say anything as she spoke.

I just kept breathing through my emotions, being present, feeling her emotions, and letting it all pass through me.

After about 20 minutes, she said, “You know Dan, this has been really helpful. Your wife just tells me all the things I need to do. You’re a good listener.”

I maybe said 5 words the whole time.

I didn’t admit that the reason I didn’t say anything was because I was nervous, but I did learn an important lesson.

Hearing does not mean answering.

However, my answer will show what I did or did not hear.

Beyond my answer, the quality of my presence will give strength to my listening.

If I want to improve the way I communicate, I must start by learning to hear the need behind the request, wish, or statement.

This starts by not thinking that I need to find a solution.

I should simply be able to hear and acknowledge what I heard.

Being understood is a basic human need.