Give permission to argue

On teams, there’s good conflict and bad conflict. We don’t want the kind of conflict where people are backstabbing or gossiping -- conflict about personalities. We do want conflict where people passionately debate issues, strategies, plans, and objectives. This is how teams arrive at decisions everyone can commit to. 

One way leaders can foster the good kind of conflict is to give real-time permission.

Groups are generally uncomfortable with conflict, even the good kind. An honest disagreement can make people at the table feel uncomfortable. 

If members of your team are having a respectful debate about something that matters, even if it’s getting heated, don’t be afraid to interrupt and remind them that what they’re doing is OK.

Here’s some language to make your own: “Lucia and Hakeem, I just want to remind you that this argument you’re having, although uncomfortable, is good. We need this kind of healthy debate to find the best solutions. Keep going!”

If they look at you like you’re crazy, as if to say…”Duh, we’re adults. We know.” Then you’ve done your job, because they probably don’t. 

In fact, this awkward moment may give them some relief, permission to shed their anxiety in the heat of the moment, precisely when they need it.