Demonstrate positive intent

There are many reasons why communicating across cultural differences can be difficult.

According to Mary-Frances Winters, author of We Can’t Talk About That At Work, “Historically marginalized groups may have a hard time believing someone from the dominant group has positive intent.”

Thankfully, she says, there’s a simple way to demonstrate positive intent.

You can listen, not to obtain closure, but to understand.

You can maintain eye contact, hold a relaxed posture, use affirming nods, neutral expressions, and ask only clarifying questions.

For example, you can say: “Could you tell me more about that? I did not understand your last point. Can you elaborate?”

If you’re from the “dominant” culture and find yourself disagreeing, make a mental note to explore your opinion later, in reflection, rather than through in-the-moment opposition. Quickly get back to listening. There will be plenty of time later to resolve your differences after you have time to understand the other person’s background, culture, and personal reality more fully. 

Winters also suggests not taking notes, which can cause someone to feel that they’re being recorded or on trial. If you must, ask permission first, saying that taking notes is for your own research and follow-up. 

The great thing about listening simply to understand is that it shows positive intent for anyone, not just those who are different.