Get an emotional avatar

As readers of the Daily Tip know, an important communication skill is the ability to get grounded before you speak, and that meditation or the Thought Catcher game can help you develop this skill before you need it.

But meditation isn’t for everyone. If you can’t yet sit quietly, you can try this exercise used by psychologists to gain perspective on your thoughts and emotions.

By dropping our constant struggle of clinging to or rejecting our thoughts and emotions, we build the capacity to let them pass, so we have the space to act consciously, rather than as an unconscious reactionary bundle of reflexive nerves.

A useful way of teaching yourself this is to represent a difficult emotion with an object, an emotional avatar.

First, think of the emotion that most blocks your ability to communicate the way you want. It probably makes its appearance in tough situations. It could be fear, anxiety, concern, even hope.

Second, find a stuffed animal or something cute to represent that emotion. It’s hard to be freaked out by something cute.

Third, for the rest of the week, carry around your cute little emotion, like it’s something welcome, that won’t go away. Hold it like it’s precious, bring it to the dinner table, watch Netflix with it, give it your compassion and understanding.

Pay attention and you’ll notice a few things...

It’s always with you, but separate from you.

It’s not you.

It’s a guest that you allow in your home.

Your awareness of it comes and goes.

You can obsess about it, or just let it be there. It’s your choice.

I know this is weird, but it works if you let it. You are changing your relationship with your thoughts and feelings by objectifying them.

Build the ability to allow what you experience, in the moment, so it doesn’t block your ability to say and do what’s important to you.