The cost of avoidance

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

A recent study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania and University of Utah researchers studied the cost of avoiding sensitive issues. The study is both informative and useful for those of us trying to become better communicators. 

Whenever we talk with others, we balance competing objectives, such as gathering information, avoiding discomfort, and creating a favorable impression. 

The study demonstrates that “individuals avoid asking sensitive questions, because they fear making others uncomfortable and because of impression management concerns,” and that “this aversion to asking sensitive questions is both costly and misguided.”

When you face a tough conversation that you know will benefit you, do you avoid having it? 

We all do, but is this fear warranted? 

The researchers say: usually not. 

The study reports, “... we find that question askers significantly overestimate the interpersonal costs of asking sensitive questions.”

From my experience training people to be better communicators, I find this to be absolutely true. 

Most people tell me that the times they did have the tough, necessary, scary conversations in their lives, the situation improved, or at least moved forward.

The dictionary definition of fear is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” (Emphasis mine). Unless you face an actual threat or need to fight/flee, fear just an emotion. 

Skilled communicators who can maintain the feeling of safety for themselves and the other person while in dialogue, can talk about anything. 

Source: Hart, Einav and VanEpps, Eric and Schweitzer, Maurice E., I Didn’t Want to Offend You: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions (June 24, 2019). Available at SSRN: https://ssrn.com/abstract=3437468 or http://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.3437468