Produce the headline
When someone tells you they’re upset, they may actually be saying, I need someone to listen empathetically.
When one of my kids says they’re upset, I picture myself as a reporter listening to their “article” recounting their distress.
When they get to the end of the article, I just have to produce the headline.
This requires I listen so intently that I can distill it down, summarize it, and give it back to them with nothing added.
The conversation goes much better after this beginning. If they want help, they let me know.
Especially with teens, but with anyone, when communicating distress, people are often just asking to be understood, but what they get instead is advice.
