Instead of looking for approval, do this instead

Camila had in her mind that to be respected at work, to be seen as a leader, or effective, she needed to be seen as “good.” Good at her job. A good person. Liked. Appreciated. Good.

It seems paradoxical, but as a result, she was inwardly focused. Her internal dialogue was always some version of “how can I be seen as good” or “I hope they like my work” -- which are different ways of saying, “I hope they like me.”

As she worked on her communications skills, the way she communicated with herself evolved.

She learned to stop asking for approval, and instead entered situations by asking herself, “how can I have an impact?”

This shift in internal dialogue had a profound shift on her external dialogue.

She began to speak in ways that helped people see things differently, that helped them articulate their own great ideas, and that influenced them. People were soon seeking her council.

Paradoxically, she was then seen as “good.”

When you ask “How can I have an impact,” instead of “I hope they like me/my work,” you shift from making it all about you to being all about them.